popsi

as time has grown on, my father isn't coming bak. thats been made clear for almost the past 20 years. but as i hear more of his legacy i think of myself as a piece of shit. granted he was my father, and many would never say the negative of such a man i find that ive never heard anything negative. everyone always says what a great man he was what he did, how he did it. it  upsets me. the reason being  maybe im not this person. im a prick most days but he he just seems liek the best person in the world. i miss him so god damn much and in 20 years it has never gotten easier for me. maybe it has gotten easier for my brother or my mother but i donno it never has for me. i just want to be like him so much and i do have the constant desire to change. the desire to make things better the desire to be a better person et i cant do this. i dont know what it is. i just want to be half my father. i want to be half the man.

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