6 ft under

no matter how many times i watch the series finally of six feet under, i always feel compelled to write an entry. today was father's day, had it not been for the status updates of people on facebook i may have not known that it was father's day. i just never celebrate it any longer for obvious reasons. i know alot of people still do even though their dad's are deceased. however, i have always been different i don't go to the cemetery but once every few years, i know exactly where it is at. my 21st bday may have been the last time i went. do i think i am a bad son for that? absolutely not, i remember him in my own way daily, whether it is a quiet remembrance in my head, or a the porring out of alcohol as a little one for the homies type thing. i appreciate him daily, and appreciate everything that he left to my family and i, and as another year passes and my birthday inches closer, i no longer hate my birthdays, i used to just despise them because of the closeness to that of my father's. but now i look at it to rejoice, maybe it is the alcohol that helps me celebrate it. but literally everything i have in my life is because of him, because of my mom as well because of the job she did raising me, but he left us with so much that i can never put into actual words. i don't say this often but i love you dad, i love you mom, i love you.
!2:10

farts.

maybe as a child i was spiritual, but no longer am i. i never have been since i made my confirmation, however i still think sometimes shit happens for a reason. i recently moved by myself more than a month ago. and i can't tell how many compliments i have gotten. from my friends back home, to hot girls living underneath me. either way i lucked out and at that aspect i believe in some ways....so thanks dad...whoever...anyome or anything. i have become more happy in the past few months than i have in years. i am finally on my way. maybe it is the drinks that have done that to me and whatnot but i am glad i am where i am and although i miss things in my past, i really wouldnt trade them for where i am now. that can stay true for everything in my past, i miss many things mostly including ex girlfriends, but i guess what people say is true that i am better off without them. i am glad where i am. and lately, honestly everytime i go home i want to see my niece and before i never was like that, i love my little lilah bug and if for nothing else i can see her grow up and i can't wait for that. yes i can see ethan grow as a child,but i get to see lilah grow from nothing to something someday. i love both of my nieces and nephews, but knowing fullwell that my niece survived a lees jean is something so special...and it also helps that everyone that sees her thinks she is amazing. ethan on the other hand everyone that knew me as a child knows that he is basically me but in a different generation. and i am ok with that, but forewarn most people becuase of that and hope they can deal better with it.....man i am so looking forward to my nieces and nephews growing up, however i want another nephew another christopher wallis V so that i dont have to name my kid that and can go with robert anthony lees jr. to continune traditions.... man i am in a good place, and it may be the drinks but " a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts".

!2:10