im a big fan of instant gratification. i hate waiting for results. i keep trying to get myself back up and get things in a normal path. i hate waiting until things start to straighten out. i just want everything now dammit. i hate this waiting around period, this going through the motions until i can actually make things happen. i want the now, im tired of the later.

!2:10

I could be wrong but it seems as though with the weather changing my hand will begin to ache. Its all my fault I put my hand through that pain but it does ache and hurt. I wonder what lasting effects it will have on my body in the years to come. I wish I could just flash forward awhile. To know im doing ok.
12:!0

Today has been the first time I haven't thought about taking some form of benedryl in years. Granted I just thought about it right before I wrote this but im glad im becoming independent of it. Im ready to shed this skin I've had for 3 years.
12:!0

Job

Its been about 3 weeks now since I started the new job, and while I don't mind the work im unsure if its a permanent fix. the money is decent or about double what I made but im not sure if working in a parts warehouse with 4 other people with two of them being managers that there's any room for growth. I realize I use that term as a big factor in leaving jobs. However I've never actually grown. The only one I can think of was the changing of departments at circuit city. Besides that its all new to me. Certainly I've tried with other jobs like country fresh but to no avail.
I've also stopped taking tylenol pm or benadryl in any case whatsoever. I've taken it for years just about every night and I blamed it on the shitty work schedule I had with two jobs. Now there's no excuse. I have set hours and schedule with little to no fluctuation. Which I like.
It will be nice to have money again and to finally pay things off that need to be paid. Im interested in what this job will have for me. I am trying to not be negative but I also mess up on things. Often times I go too fast to try to be more efficient. However sometimes I screw up and I don't like that happening so I guess I need to slow my roll down a bit.
!2:10