work

i have started working two jobs. my new job is awesome. i feel like this could realistically be a career for me. i like what i do i dont mind driving and it just seems like a good fit for me. the night job is getting irritating as nothing seems to be going correct on it thus getting me little sleep. i am not complaining as i sleep after country fresh is done. it leads me to not be doing much or not really keeping up with life. but i am sleeping better. may take a little while for early morning wake ups but i think this is good.
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i finally feel like i am starting to grasp some things. my new job is amazing. and seems like it could be the start of a career. that makes me happy and relieved and optimistic. i hope this actually lasts.

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facebook has begun to get to me. it tends to depress me as more and more people get engaged. it also makes me feel odd when i am blocked for unknowingly doing things. eh i hope this thing passes.

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i have started to grow tired of constant engagements. people seem to be on engagement kicks now as i have seen maybe 5 or 6 people have gotten engaged in the past week. i mean im sure they will last but i want that lasting thing as well. i guess i am just jealous of what others have and what i do not. it sucks, i hope things pick up at some point soon. i am growing tired of this.

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immaturity is my strong point. i hate when i tend to get serious, get emotional that i start to get too choked up to ever talk anything of relevance. i have people that have been through worse, or been through the same. while we have a mutual understanding it sucks i can never talk to them about any of it. i miss you. i miss how we were. i miss how anything i said wasnt retarded, wasnt wrong, was just understood. you are here in some capacity now, but it isnt the same. the best bonding we have had is little hell, fuck. i just miss you. be around more. be there for me like i want to be there for you. i dont care about anything else but having you there by my side. through everything. you said you were sorry. i forgive. just be there forever and always. my most lonley times have been without you in zero capcity. i know you like to leave, you like to just deal with it on your own. but it hurts. it fucking kills. especially when i have noone else to talk to. when i just need you. ive never needed anyone except you in some capacity. just be there.

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as i become older, the world gets smaller. opportunities become bleaker. i know life isnt all about love and happiness but i feel i tend to get bowled over. like i am good for awhile in situations than others come along and i am just a stepping stone. it really upsets me that constantly when i build foundations they get crushed and then i cant ever rebuild them. i just want to win once in life. tired of losing, tired of second best or third best. it always happens and well i just don't know how i can stop it.

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sleep/wakeup

so ive come to the conclusion that before bed and after i awake i will do a few pushups. not really sure as to why i want to do this but i think if i start to get myself in habits ill become a creature of habit. i already have a somewhat habit that i follow before bed and when i wake up, i like habits. i think it is healthy to have a kind of pattern that one follows daily. i really enjoy that.

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fb

as of lat people on facebook have either grown tired of my immature posts or just finally feel the need to admit that i am not liked by everyone. i'm fine with that, people dont all have to like me. if they cant take jokes then fuck em, if significant others cant find the humor in something then fuck em. if something is offensive i get that. it's the point of most of my things. however if the things are untrue then i really see no problem in them. there are few subjects i wont touch usually relating to death in one's family or actual problems. being politically correct is really overrated. enjoy life enjoy a laugh. if not then dont be in my life. it wont hurt me if i am deleted or anything along those lines.

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city and colour

today i downloaded the new city and colour album. i pre-ordered it on amazon because i like him so much ill support him in music. usually when i listen to an album one way through ill be ok with it. albums usually take a few rounds to get through. for example when i first heard blink 182's enema of the state years ago i thought it was terrible. upon further listening i thought it was great. although this does not measure up to other albums by dallas i still love it. he is like ace enders to me because ace enders cant make bad music. i dont like dallas' original band but i love city and colour and truthfully this album is so beautiful. one way through and i was hooked.

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