I've noticed things lately. How passed flames come back sometimes and talk and only talk because they're newly single. I've found we talk a little. Then it goes quiet and then they're back with an ex. I don't like being that backup but tend to fall for it.
I find that certain songs I hear will take me back to a time of my life. I love that everything I cant remember stems from music. I hate having my computer die, I can't listen to new music. Don't get me wrong I have good music with me now. But I want more. Im greedy in that sense.
My new computer will start the transition into a different thing with my music. I will depend more heavily on memory cards than internal memory. The same applies for the tablet ill be purchasing soon.
Im still poor. I still live from paycheck to paycheck but im finally able to pay all of my bills.

12:!0

a2

i always have a large blog typed and erase it. most of it is babeling. im alright, my alcohol consumption is at a level im comfortable with although, the last few weekends and next week or two makes me uncomfortable. im nowhere near where i used to be. blacked out drinking beer and shots and driving. i limited myself today to a managible level. i also think lately of where i was, and i feel like im getting better. today i started to think fo myself without zoloft. and i wanted to try to ween myself off, but a minute later i took one. i do only take them every other day so ive cut down and remain at an alright level. im still unhappy with myself in most regards. but at least i dont have to ditch people to save money. and maybe thats just because this is an extra paycheck month. but im happy this month. i can afford to do good things for good people and show who i really am.

!2:10

it's rare that people can offend me. it's not too rare to annoy me. it's somewhat rare to get me pissed off. i attribute this to zoloft. i am not who i used to be when it comes to things said to me. now am i annoyed with things said, me finding out? yes definitely. but im not where i used to be. during the reception tonight i spaced out plenty of times. my mind was just blank. it was enjoyable. just to think of nothing. i really had intentions on writing a heartfelt post tonight but i dont know if i possess the capabilities. my one thing i can say, is that it would be great to have a family someday. my own.

!2:10

XX

as i sit in my bed after a work day i sit and think about what happened 20 years ago today. 20 years ago today i lost a piece of my life that ive never gained back. as the years have gone on i find that i wish i could talk to him. to understand life. growing up with a single parent wasnt incredibly hard. i am lucky for my family mainly my father's family for always being there. ill never forget that day. everything before is blurry. and everything after is different. im glad that ive come this far. i miss my father. i miss a guide.

!2:10