aweekend home

i left thursday afternoon. i came to macomb county, i needed a weekend a way. the thursday eveneing started with old friends some drinks and ended at orleans with more old friends. friday went on to be johnny's the entire evening with leeann. saturday was somewhat more of the same.

this weekend home was needed. while im not the only one. i needed back here. it feels like i am recharged. ill never move back but i love when i am here.

great friends, great times
!2:10

mocha is a tard.

i come home from the bar. what do i like to do? fuck with my dog of course! my mom bought a big chicken whole rotissere from sam's club yesterday. i ate the shit out of it. but i come home and i always give the dog treats. this is how the events happened....


me: mocha sit
mocha:(sits but cant sit still i just say sit and she hands her left paw)
me:mocha you're a tard.
mocha:sitting with left hand out
me:mocha left paw
mocha:right paw with left paw right after
me:mocha sit still give me the left paw
mocha:right paw
me:you're a tard
me:sit
mocha:left paw raised

after this i lost interest. i love my dog but i'm sure she is tarded.

Good Will Hunting

i find that very few movies can capture my interest despite my mood. good will hunting is one of them. if i'm upset i watch it, if i am happy i watch it. either way this movie has the same effect on me. it is a movie of finding yourself and being able to love someone else despite how f-d up you are. i want this. i want to find this.

!2:10

i have so much to say, but no way of really saying it.

a dream. i wish it were true.

I don’t remember dreams too often. But this one was amazing. I was driving by a golf course and decided to sneak onto it. I just putted on the 17th when a man asked if I wanted to do the 18th hole with him. It was a par 3. I said yes. He teed off then I teed off and I was really close to the pin. Maybe 12 ft away. He was much further. I putted and birdied it. He pared it. Later on I went into the club house where I met what I would later know as his daughter. Gorgeous blonde not necessarily natural blonde but not fully fake blonde either. We hit it off pretty well her brother was getting married that day and she asked if I wanted to stay. Her dad owned the course. I decided to stay but had no dress clothes. Her father said something to me, and I said I had just been invited. This girl was so gorgeous. Not sure of the next events but it was at stadium. She volunteered with some kids in like the last row of some seats and was wearing a purple shirt. I was there too. But then some government op took over the stadium. There was a separate opps there and they began fighting. I started to take down the bad version of them. I don’t remember much but towards the end I found her and asked if I could have her purple shirt because people were looking for me. She said no but I was able to blend in with someone’s hat. The last thing I remember is the opps looking for me and a random man traded hats with me right before they got to me. I kept my head down and avoided them seeing me. Then I woke up.

thoughts

History has negun to repeat itself. I see this happening in my love life or lack there of. Im always there for people i care about but i am slowly seeing this could be my greatest downfall. Dont get me wrong im a big asshole at times but when i truly start to care its hard for me to stop being good to them. I hate that most nights i cant sleep. I hate that people in some ways roll a dice to see if i should be happy today or not. If there is a god out there, which at times i doubt then why must this cruel game continue? I try to do so much good and just never seem rewarded for it. By good i mean just sweet things for people i care for. I just hate how whenever something is in my grasp it just falls through. History is repeating and if it is anything like last time i wont be in ypsi for too much longer. Call it running call it whatever you want but it is always hard for me to move on. I hate calling it quits when i feel like ive done nothing wrong. It feels like im doing a puzzle and when i get to the last piece it isnt there. This causes it never to be complete. I feel like my life is a puzzle and theres always a missing piece. I just want to be happy but am afraid to give up some things that make me happy most of the time. i just want the butterflies i want the happiness. Im tired of the sadness or just going through the motions. This whole week has made me feel like a zombie. Saturday is supposed to be special, but im unsure how special it will be for the other party involved. In other words i have no fucking clue.
!2:10

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i hope this stops extremely soon, but for now i have no idea whats going on and my hands are just throw in the air.

!2:10

death.

i never knew you to a point of calling you a friend. but many of my greatest friends did. ill always remember hearing of your death and just not knowing what to do. take care, and take care of my friends.

!2:10

Weddings.

First of all this is now my 140th post. that makes me happy.

the wedding season has come to an end. i had three to go to and this one was by far the biggest, nicest one. it was located in belleaire michigan and it was my cousin who got married.

it is a great start when you wake up at 630am and are hyper as all hell and then have to drive for four hours. it was fun nonetheless. upon our arrival we were greeted by family and went to our giant two room suite to just hangout and chill for a while. i got to watch some football and even took a little nap. after that rickets and i had to get our tuxedos on and begin to usher everyone in. he properly mixed some admiral with gatorade and we downed it pretty quickly. the ceremony was nice and the bride looked amazing.afterwards we could buy beer downstairs the reception did not start until 530. we asked the bride and groom if we could come on the shuttle bus for photos. we did and just sat in the back rickets and i just talking and drinking. we ended up stopping at short's brewery. upon leaving the bus my cousin goes wait you guys were here the entire time? indeed we were. then we asked a few people within the brewery if they knew where the fresh prince was staying since it was belleaire after a while. the consignment shop lady was the only one who got it. i bought two ringpops and a sucker.

we get back from the shuttle and the bride wants to go change into another gown. rix and i take a shortcut and when the elevator door opens with the bridal party in it, i had my bare ass hanging out mooning everyone.

we get to the reception and take our seats and the whole shebang begins. a 9 piece blues band and amazing food. drinks start pouring and everything starts happening.

there were cameras on all the tables so of course rickets and i had a photo shoot of my ass.

i tried to dance and then my tuxedo pants broke. they would not hold up with safety pins so i had to go put jeans on.
after the band drums up some good music it is time for me to disappear and return as batman. the band begun playing batman and in turn i came running out and took the dance floor. i got to dance with the bride and make everyone laugh. as soon as the song ended i ran back to the room.

i came back with my jeans on and tuxedo top. danced some more and drank lots more.

once it ended we walked back to the room and saw room service metal tops for the food. i decided it was a good idea to use it as a frisbee causing all kinds of noise. in a nutshell it was a lot of fun.

that is pretty much all i remember from the wedding saturday. alls i know is that the view was gorgeous and i had lots of fun.

but as the wedding season seems to come to a close i realize that these weddings are the first in many more to come. there isnt a few week period where someone doesn't get engaged. it does make me feel jealous, but also optimistic and able to pick and choose parts of these weddings to include in mine some day.

!2:10

september

september has come and gone. this month seemed like it only started yesterday. it is weird to see this entire month just flash by. ive been busy for sure but it just is odd to me. ive started to become content with my life. ive cut back the amount of days that i drink alcohol and it seems to make my stomach feel a lot better. i love this time of year but am super excited for the impending winter for my most peaceful thing ever, snowboarding. i simply cannot wait for this year and reall hope to go as often as i can.

ive also started to be a little happier. things keep going haywire with certain people and while it may bother me immensly i am able to carry on despite it. that makes me feel good because months ago that wouldnt happen. while i dont find it totally healthy to maintain this up and down id rather have some up than none at all.

!2:10

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