yesterday evening after talking to an old friend i decided to look at my old live journal. it was my first attempt at "blogging", i have come to the realization that i am a shell of my former self. the blogs contained a great deal of what i thought was love, happiness, and unhappiness. looking back on it now, i realize why i stopped writing it. i wanted to change. wanted my life to be more private than what it was before. it was a great blog to read from 4-5 years ago. my last blog was in 2005 or 2006. i may still not be happy in the life i live now, but i believe i am on my way.

today brought a bittersweet moment. i found out that my last day for seasonal work is dec 26. what this means is that i have a possiblity of a permanent position, however it is not a 100%. it will suck to have to leave that place. in just a few short months i have met alot of cool people that i would have never otherwise met. i met a different sector of customers from all over, instead of dealing with the same asshole customers from ccity everyday. sure there were assholes, but i could kind of be a smart ass at cabelas and get away with it.

im anxiously awaiting the return of my ps3. it is very weird without school. i should read or workout or something but i just don't have any motivation to do such a thing. it sucks to look at old pictures when i was in shape. and although most of me wishes i was looking like that still, i am too lazy to start that back up again.

i am anxiously awaiting my grades for the semester. i am about a year to year and a half done at this point. i want to get out of college, but on the other hand have no idea what i want to be when i grow up. there's many things that interest me but it would be hard to get into. one would be to trade stocks. i don't know why but i feel like it would be an interesting thing to do. i love selling stuff on ebay so why would this be any different? i want to brew beer. and brew good beer. but again don't know the proper avenues to do it.

im looking forward to the new year. a big change will happen, i can feel it. i just have no idea what that change will be.

!2:10