Lateee

ive started to realize at the end of everything terrible comes amazingness. do i think it works in all situations? no. but in my car situation it did. the stratus died. i beat theshit out of that car i understand it dying. i got a ford focus. or as i call it the fuckus. im excited for this new adventure with this car. this is my car. i have to pay for it. the stratus was mine but given by my father's money, or mom's investements. either way i didnt pay for it. now, this is my car. im excited to just have this thing. this thing that is mine. some can compare it to a child i guess. i can see it in ways but mostly just something to take care of like a pet. i am just happy for this. liking the job at country fresh and liking the extra hours with acosta but knowing it wont last. i like coutnry fresh i want this to be the start of a career.

!2:10

i have so much to say. im not happy i dont think ill ever be happy in life. i love helping others. for me whe i had females i just wanted them to be happy and eventually that is how or who id be. well it is still me but im just pushed over. for once please if there is anything out there just let me succeed. i want to i truly do i close my eyes and i see my sons running around. please just grant this for me. i want to be the father i never had. he was amazing if i can be half the father my brother is ill be ok. just give me the chance before it is too late.

!2:10

righteousness.

look i get it, you dont like my comments. do i care? not really. you aren't going to change my view of how i look on life or how i treat people. if it bother's you that much then dont be my friend. it wont make me lose sleep. i get it i am annoying on facebook. i dont truly care. just dont be my friend if you are that annoyed. save your righteousness for people who honestly care.

!2:10

music makes me live.

many use music as something to express their feelings. i truly think i am one of them. at anytime of the day/night i could be asked and after some time in some cases i could come up with music. i love music. music is the only thing that makes me around. i could not live music. i hate to be cliche in a song by 30 seconds to mars more importantly the video someone says "some people have god, some people pray. i have music. music is my life. some of that may not be correct but the jist of it is understood. that is how i am. i love music. if i find a song that describes my mood i will not stop that song.

little hell by city and colour.
this song since i heard it has been amazing. i cant stop listening to it. i have over 100 plays on itunes that does not count the amount on my phone. this album is amazing. if i find a song ill kill that song i dont care. i dont want the few plays every now and then i want it all at once. i love this song. this song describes me.

otherwise we could go with 3 other songs on my playlist.

nero by senses fail just amazes me as something i need to to.
it describes me so perfectly, the way i am drinking recklessly weekend and week out and just is ok with me.
yellow angels describes my current feelings. i just want something to look forward to. something great. even if it is for a few minutes at least it is something. i want to be happy i love to be happy but it has become so rare that i have no idea how to act.

and sensible heart always describes what i am. ill always be there for anyone ill always listen regardless who you are. i dont care. im there i am me. if youre poor if you have no money, if i have the time and i may never have the money but ill always listen. never judge. just be someone.

!2:10

i had truly wanted to get to 200 before my birthday, i was 10 off. i have been busy new job and life has kept me from writing. today is or was my birthday. i never used to look forward to it, today i did. whether it was my brother visiting or other guests i was excited. ive had so much death and heartache near my birthday i could never celebrate it. maybe it is the alcohol that comes into ones system and makes them feel different.

it had been so long since i got so angry. i try to control it i truly do, sometimes i shake. i just try to breathe. it wasnt anything that dealt with me persee tonight but i just has to. two hits is all i need. sorry knuckles

just truly trying to hold it all together.

!2:10