how safe it is to feel safe.

so things have changed slightly. my assistant manager at work is on leave, with a lot of thought that it is permanent. so i naturally pick up the slack because im the asst. manager in training. in a week its changed from no responsibility to much much more. now i stay alone the last hour of the work day. i like it. i hope this is the step in the right direction. i never to say i can see myself doing _____ in 20 years, but im able to say i like this job and i think ive found my niche.

otherwise i work, and sit in my room all night.  i dont go out much or really do anything, and im somewhat ok with it. i feel guilty spending money on things i dont need, because i am so far in debt to people. im trying the best i can to dig myself out of the hole i created for myself. im trying my hardest.

people get the long perception of me a lot. and i kind of understand it. ive never shown much of myself other than being mostly lazy. and really outside of work i am. but to doubt my work because of it annoys me. my home life and work life are not the same and actually are almost opposites. i realize i need to change my home me. and i have tin some regards but the people that dont see me often still think of me as a lazy guy. that bothers me. i just feel like im a piece of shit sometimes and i dont feel like i actually am one. perceptions need to change.

!2:10

The first month and a half

The first month and a half of this year has gone by faster than I can imagine. I spend most nights still in my room, and it isn't the worst thing in the world. I realize I don't talk to people as much lately and for the most part I don't do it on purpose. I've been exhausted with work almost daily. I enjoy my job. I think I've found my niche. I work my ass off and hopefully soon it will pay off. Im working on me.

12:!0