tonight

tonight i come, not depressed not sad not anything. not happy not overjoyed. just as i am. i have started to think of everyone in my life who truly cares of me. the usual, mother, brother even sister-in-law. but lately i've come to realized that my group of friends are the best for me. i have people that i can almost be with every day of the week. people that no matter what state of mind i am in will take care of me and talk to me. these people i could not be more greatful for. it has taken me a long time to realize my group of friends can be my family. i have a family. i have the lees family and the krasicki family. granted i always identify with the lees family. i still don't feel at times like i belong. the krasicki family, i never go to the reunion's i never remember who all of them are. everything like that. in a few blogs ago i wrote of my uncle who was 98, that was on my mom's side. still have no realization who everyone is and what they are to my life. lately i have started to reidentify with the lees family. it has been years since my absence. i come around every few, and leave much like i came. everything is weird at times. i want to be close but how do i bring back what i may have had in the past? my brother is clearly the family man. always has been around, always will be. me on the other hand left as soon as i could. and will never live there again. i just dont see myself having a family in a town that although my childhood was never bad, that it still has memories that i don't want to bring back. i donno i want to be home more often, but at times i just can't. life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness is all i want.

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