thoughts

History has negun to repeat itself. I see this happening in my love life or lack there of. Im always there for people i care about but i am slowly seeing this could be my greatest downfall. Dont get me wrong im a big asshole at times but when i truly start to care its hard for me to stop being good to them. I hate that most nights i cant sleep. I hate that people in some ways roll a dice to see if i should be happy today or not. If there is a god out there, which at times i doubt then why must this cruel game continue? I try to do so much good and just never seem rewarded for it. By good i mean just sweet things for people i care for. I just hate how whenever something is in my grasp it just falls through. History is repeating and if it is anything like last time i wont be in ypsi for too much longer. Call it running call it whatever you want but it is always hard for me to move on. I hate calling it quits when i feel like ive done nothing wrong. It feels like im doing a puzzle and when i get to the last piece it isnt there. This causes it never to be complete. I feel like my life is a puzzle and theres always a missing piece. I just want to be happy but am afraid to give up some things that make me happy most of the time. i just want the butterflies i want the happiness. Im tired of the sadness or just going through the motions. This whole week has made me feel like a zombie. Saturday is supposed to be special, but im unsure how special it will be for the other party involved. In other words i have no fucking clue.
!2:10

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