so i got the job at radio shack. am i happy about it absolutely not. i in some ways am forced to take this job. i know i should be thankful for having a job in this economy, but of course i am not. maybe it is my pessimistic views on life, or maybe it isn't. i feel like i have always been pessimistic no matter what situation is at hand. i am unsure at this point if that will ever change. or if i really want it to change. because when you start to think of everything as bad than you aren't let down when that happens. if you are always high on things being great, than it is a bigger let down.
i had to go home today to get a cat scan on my head. the reason being for this is that i get headaches on a daily basis, and no matter what i do they really don't go away. i am sure it is nothing, but what if it is? that in some ways scares me.
i'm still extremely stressed and i do not see a clear end in sight for that stress to discontinue. it really sucks, i wish things would shape up and that things would change and go back to what they used to be. but the reality of that is definitely uncertain and at this point does not seem to be able to occur.
i guess in other words i am just not happy. who knows
!2:10
Monday, February 23, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
The Return
I have come into some information today, that one of my favorite bands, blink 182 is coming back and better than ever. this band although not my all time favorite band, launched me into every band that i have listened to to this day in the punk/emo type genre. they have done wonders for me and have created a huge branch almost like a family tree for me and my listening tastes. i am so greatful that they are coming back and can't wait to see them in concert and listen to their new music.
in other news i have been watching a lot of movies lately, oscar time means a large quantity of dvd screeners. so far i have seen Gran torino, tropic thunder, religulous, milk, rachel getting married, the wrestler, doubt, and possibly more but i cannot think of them off the top of my head at this moment.
Gran Torino, was very well made and makes Eastwood stil llook like a bad ass, however his grunting is kind of weird.
Tropic Thunder was very stupid, but funny and i would like to see it again. Downey Jr. has come back!
Religulous was like a Michael Moore film, completely one-sided but still very informative and makes you think.
Milk was a film i might not normally see but glad that i have. i knew nothing about him, had i known more i would be able to make a better judgement
Rachel Getting Married, was another movie i might not normally see, but it was pretty decent and gave a good insight into what a family really is. i still am indifferent about it for some reason though.
The Wrestler was a decent movie given how much i've watched wrestling and read about it, it gave an accurate portrayal of people and what they will do to get back into the big time again.
Doubt was a decent movie but also left me with various questions. it was implied that he did it, but did he? makes the crowd wonder. and Streep well she played a good bitch!
taken was a decent movie, but i'll take a quote from Bowditch in that it was hard to see Nessan* as a bad ass. he just wasn't fit for that role.
that is all for now.
!2:10
in other news i have been watching a lot of movies lately, oscar time means a large quantity of dvd screeners. so far i have seen Gran torino, tropic thunder, religulous, milk, rachel getting married, the wrestler, doubt, and possibly more but i cannot think of them off the top of my head at this moment.
Gran Torino, was very well made and makes Eastwood stil llook like a bad ass, however his grunting is kind of weird.
Tropic Thunder was very stupid, but funny and i would like to see it again. Downey Jr. has come back!
Religulous was like a Michael Moore film, completely one-sided but still very informative and makes you think.
Milk was a film i might not normally see but glad that i have. i knew nothing about him, had i known more i would be able to make a better judgement
Rachel Getting Married, was another movie i might not normally see, but it was pretty decent and gave a good insight into what a family really is. i still am indifferent about it for some reason though.
The Wrestler was a decent movie given how much i've watched wrestling and read about it, it gave an accurate portrayal of people and what they will do to get back into the big time again.
Doubt was a decent movie but also left me with various questions. it was implied that he did it, but did he? makes the crowd wonder. and Streep well she played a good bitch!
taken was a decent movie, but i'll take a quote from Bowditch in that it was hard to see Nessan* as a bad ass. he just wasn't fit for that role.
that is all for now.
!2:10
Thursday, January 8, 2009
three's
my mind is racing with thoughts. but when i go to put them in typing my mind thinks it is a different language. a lot has been on my mind lately. it seems that one thing has opened a pandora's box of sorts. it has made me think of repressed memories, and why i don't think about them.
i am worried about my niece. from what i gathered, she has some type of respiratory virus, it may be nothing but she is like 7 months old and i worry.
this is senseless rambling
!2:10
i am worried about my niece. from what i gathered, she has some type of respiratory virus, it may be nothing but she is like 7 months old and i worry.
this is senseless rambling
!2:10
Saturday, January 3, 2009
year and a half to go
so i have about a year and a half to go until i graduate with a bachelor's in poli sci and a minor in public administration. knowing i only have a year and a half is bittersweet. i will finally be able to possibly start a career. but i have no idea if i even want to get into that field. i do not want to switch majors because it would mean more schooling. and as student loans start to pile i am eager to finish. i have begun thinking if after i graduate will i move or not? i know i will not move closer to home if anything it would be further away. to where? i have no idea.
i am also fearful of the coming months, i have not received my official hiring in at cabela's and my seasonal leave started on the 27th. technically it doesn't end until the end of this month but i have not worked since the 26th.
i can make a decent amount of change from ebay auctions and what not but i do not know if it will be enough. it is very scary in some ways to not know when you will get another paycheck when u have rent and debt piling up as each minute passes.
in unrelated notes, did anyone see dick clark on nye? i found it almost painful to watch his count down, and felt that seacrest was a total douche. dick clark is a legend in his own mind and i have begun to agree with people that he should hang it up. it is extremely sad when you see a man who can barely talk correctly because of a stroke still try to do his job. i do however commend his work for the last whatever amount of years.
i also think it is time for joe pa to hang it up for the same amount of reasons. he is holding that school hostage.
!2:10
i am also fearful of the coming months, i have not received my official hiring in at cabela's and my seasonal leave started on the 27th. technically it doesn't end until the end of this month but i have not worked since the 26th.
i can make a decent amount of change from ebay auctions and what not but i do not know if it will be enough. it is very scary in some ways to not know when you will get another paycheck when u have rent and debt piling up as each minute passes.
in unrelated notes, did anyone see dick clark on nye? i found it almost painful to watch his count down, and felt that seacrest was a total douche. dick clark is a legend in his own mind and i have begun to agree with people that he should hang it up. it is extremely sad when you see a man who can barely talk correctly because of a stroke still try to do his job. i do however commend his work for the last whatever amount of years.
i also think it is time for joe pa to hang it up for the same amount of reasons. he is holding that school hostage.
!2:10
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
yesterday evening after talking to an old friend i decided to look at my old live journal. it was my first attempt at "blogging", i have come to the realization that i am a shell of my former self. the blogs contained a great deal of what i thought was love, happiness, and unhappiness. looking back on it now, i realize why i stopped writing it. i wanted to change. wanted my life to be more private than what it was before. it was a great blog to read from 4-5 years ago. my last blog was in 2005 or 2006. i may still not be happy in the life i live now, but i believe i am on my way.
today brought a bittersweet moment. i found out that my last day for seasonal work is dec 26. what this means is that i have a possiblity of a permanent position, however it is not a 100%. it will suck to have to leave that place. in just a few short months i have met alot of cool people that i would have never otherwise met. i met a different sector of customers from all over, instead of dealing with the same asshole customers from ccity everyday. sure there were assholes, but i could kind of be a smart ass at cabelas and get away with it.
im anxiously awaiting the return of my ps3. it is very weird without school. i should read or workout or something but i just don't have any motivation to do such a thing. it sucks to look at old pictures when i was in shape. and although most of me wishes i was looking like that still, i am too lazy to start that back up again.
i am anxiously awaiting my grades for the semester. i am about a year to year and a half done at this point. i want to get out of college, but on the other hand have no idea what i want to be when i grow up. there's many things that interest me but it would be hard to get into. one would be to trade stocks. i don't know why but i feel like it would be an interesting thing to do. i love selling stuff on ebay so why would this be any different? i want to brew beer. and brew good beer. but again don't know the proper avenues to do it.
im looking forward to the new year. a big change will happen, i can feel it. i just have no idea what that change will be.
!2:10
today brought a bittersweet moment. i found out that my last day for seasonal work is dec 26. what this means is that i have a possiblity of a permanent position, however it is not a 100%. it will suck to have to leave that place. in just a few short months i have met alot of cool people that i would have never otherwise met. i met a different sector of customers from all over, instead of dealing with the same asshole customers from ccity everyday. sure there were assholes, but i could kind of be a smart ass at cabelas and get away with it.
im anxiously awaiting the return of my ps3. it is very weird without school. i should read or workout or something but i just don't have any motivation to do such a thing. it sucks to look at old pictures when i was in shape. and although most of me wishes i was looking like that still, i am too lazy to start that back up again.
i am anxiously awaiting my grades for the semester. i am about a year to year and a half done at this point. i want to get out of college, but on the other hand have no idea what i want to be when i grow up. there's many things that interest me but it would be hard to get into. one would be to trade stocks. i don't know why but i feel like it would be an interesting thing to do. i love selling stuff on ebay so why would this be any different? i want to brew beer. and brew good beer. but again don't know the proper avenues to do it.
im looking forward to the new year. a big change will happen, i can feel it. i just have no idea what that change will be.
!2:10
Friday, November 7, 2008
another year passes by
as another year passes by, it still doesn't get easier.
many people say time heals all wounds and although certain phases of my life have passed, there's not a day that goes by that i don't wonder what my life would have been like. it has been a few years since the angry phase finally left me. maybe it was moving out my house, or a change of sceanery. whatever it is it has helped me come to grips with anger that i've always felt. i still have the times when i gt angry but no longer do i blame them on things that have happened beyond my control. i still don't go see him because it's hard and i still have a hard time thinking about that day. and my aunts scream's and the ambulence lights are still clear as day. i think it is so hard for me to go home because i always see that, and it's just memories that always come back up. i don't typically talk about what happened with my family and very few friends know the full details of it. i did not think it was a coincidence that i found the death certificate on Wednesday when i was home. i do not think that it was a coincidence today when i didn't see a car coming but stopped anyways. i never see things as simple coincidence's just a voice telling me not to turn right or to stop. i always think back to two times where it seemed most evident that he was there. the first was an incident where i was crying and i felt a hand on my shoulder while sitting at my computer desk. a second was when i used 2 go on my late night drives to detroit. i would usually take jefferson all the way there, then take woodward down a ways. there was a man on the passenger side of me while at a red light walking down the street, he looked at me and nodded. i feel like that was a sign to keep going on that i would always be safe. i have been known to say i do not believe in god, or necessarily one god. but i do believe that there are people that watch out for u. i have never once felt that he wasn't there and that he wasn't proud of me despite what i may have done or how i have treated others. he has never judged me, and i have never felt like he was angry at me. i love my father, and although i never say it or how the word's father or dad seem foreign or out of my language, it is still odd to say it. once in a while i will say my dad's name, and it is always interesting to find out new stories from my godfather or from my brother. it reminds me of episodes of six feet under, where nate finds out his dad had a somewhat secret life. i feel like i relate to that because i was so young when he left, and now finding out stories or looking at photos makes me feel like i know him. my only regret is not knowing him enough and since i was only 6 it is hard to know someone like that when you have no idea something was wrong. i only wish i could be half the father my dad was, how despite having heart problems or thinking of me as a little shit while in hessel, he stayed with me, i wish he could know how that is my favorite memory of him. every year twice a year, i put up the photo taken with him. as i write this the photo is to my right never out of reach. i stayed in the cabin in the background of the photo this summer and everytime i walked back past where the photo was taken i remembered and smiled about what he did for me that day. i see my father in my brother alot, having patience even when his step son is being a little shit. i am so thankful that he did not suffer the way some people do, he may have suffered from the inside but you never would have known it by the way he presented himself. i love my father and no matter if i show it or not, i miss him dearly.
!2:10
many people say time heals all wounds and although certain phases of my life have passed, there's not a day that goes by that i don't wonder what my life would have been like. it has been a few years since the angry phase finally left me. maybe it was moving out my house, or a change of sceanery. whatever it is it has helped me come to grips with anger that i've always felt. i still have the times when i gt angry but no longer do i blame them on things that have happened beyond my control. i still don't go see him because it's hard and i still have a hard time thinking about that day. and my aunts scream's and the ambulence lights are still clear as day. i think it is so hard for me to go home because i always see that, and it's just memories that always come back up. i don't typically talk about what happened with my family and very few friends know the full details of it. i did not think it was a coincidence that i found the death certificate on Wednesday when i was home. i do not think that it was a coincidence today when i didn't see a car coming but stopped anyways. i never see things as simple coincidence's just a voice telling me not to turn right or to stop. i always think back to two times where it seemed most evident that he was there. the first was an incident where i was crying and i felt a hand on my shoulder while sitting at my computer desk. a second was when i used 2 go on my late night drives to detroit. i would usually take jefferson all the way there, then take woodward down a ways. there was a man on the passenger side of me while at a red light walking down the street, he looked at me and nodded. i feel like that was a sign to keep going on that i would always be safe. i have been known to say i do not believe in god, or necessarily one god. but i do believe that there are people that watch out for u. i have never once felt that he wasn't there and that he wasn't proud of me despite what i may have done or how i have treated others. he has never judged me, and i have never felt like he was angry at me. i love my father, and although i never say it or how the word's father or dad seem foreign or out of my language, it is still odd to say it. once in a while i will say my dad's name, and it is always interesting to find out new stories from my godfather or from my brother. it reminds me of episodes of six feet under, where nate finds out his dad had a somewhat secret life. i feel like i relate to that because i was so young when he left, and now finding out stories or looking at photos makes me feel like i know him. my only regret is not knowing him enough and since i was only 6 it is hard to know someone like that when you have no idea something was wrong. i only wish i could be half the father my dad was, how despite having heart problems or thinking of me as a little shit while in hessel, he stayed with me, i wish he could know how that is my favorite memory of him. every year twice a year, i put up the photo taken with him. as i write this the photo is to my right never out of reach. i stayed in the cabin in the background of the photo this summer and everytime i walked back past where the photo was taken i remembered and smiled about what he did for me that day. i see my father in my brother alot, having patience even when his step son is being a little shit. i am so thankful that he did not suffer the way some people do, he may have suffered from the inside but you never would have known it by the way he presented himself. i love my father and no matter if i show it or not, i miss him dearly.
!2:10
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
'Obama
so i have been watching this election stuff since probably 6. i also have been updating facebook ever since. anyways i have come to these conclusions on people's disdain for him they are as follows:
people think he will make the country more socialist by bringing in universal healthcare. their response: i am moving to canada. are they serious? canada has universal healthcare and is way more liberal and socialist than we will ever be.
people think he will raise taxes. let's face it raising taxes sucks...but consider this: we are on the lower end of taxes being taken out, some countries have tax rates as high as 40%
people don't want a "terrorist" being our leader. could u be any more ignorant? enough said.
people think their guns will be taken away. no they won't, it will be tougher for people to get guns like ooozies or machine guns. i'm sorry but when was a machine gun needed to hunt or for safety?
anyways i am extremely happy for this win and feel like saying neener neener neener to all the republicans out there.
people think he will make the country more socialist by bringing in universal healthcare. their response: i am moving to canada. are they serious? canada has universal healthcare and is way more liberal and socialist than we will ever be.
people think he will raise taxes. let's face it raising taxes sucks...but consider this: we are on the lower end of taxes being taken out, some countries have tax rates as high as 40%
people don't want a "terrorist" being our leader. could u be any more ignorant? enough said.
people think their guns will be taken away. no they won't, it will be tougher for people to get guns like ooozies or machine guns. i'm sorry but when was a machine gun needed to hunt or for safety?
anyways i am extremely happy for this win and feel like saying neener neener neener to all the republicans out there.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
