appearances are misleading..

so i got the job at radio shack. am i happy about it absolutely not. i in some ways am forced to take this job. i know i should be thankful for having a job in this economy, but of course i am not. maybe it is my pessimistic views on life, or maybe it isn't. i feel like i have always been pessimistic no matter what situation is at hand. i am unsure at this point if that will ever change. or if i really want it to change. because when you start to think of everything as bad than you aren't let down when that happens. if you are always high on things being great, than it is a bigger let down.

i had to go home today to get a cat scan on my head. the reason being for this is that i get headaches on a daily basis, and no matter what i do they really don't go away. i am sure it is nothing, but what if it is? that in some ways scares me.

i'm still extremely stressed and i do not see a clear end in sight for that stress to discontinue. it really sucks, i wish things would shape up and that things would change and go back to what they used to be. but the reality of that is definitely uncertain and at this point does not seem to be able to occur.

i guess in other words i am just not happy. who knows

!2:10