another year passes by

as another year passes by, it still doesn't get easier.
many people say time heals all wounds and although certain phases of my life have passed, there's not a day that goes by that i don't wonder what my life would have been like. it has been a few years since the angry phase finally left me. maybe it was moving out my house, or a change of sceanery. whatever it is it has helped me come to grips with anger that i've always felt. i still have the times when i gt angry but no longer do i blame them on things that have happened beyond my control. i still don't go see him because it's hard and i still have a hard time thinking about that day. and my aunts scream's and the ambulence lights are still clear as day. i think it is so hard for me to go home because i always see that, and it's just memories that always come back up. i don't typically talk about what happened with my family and very few friends know the full details of it. i did not think it was a coincidence that i found the death certificate on Wednesday when i was home. i do not think that it was a coincidence today when i didn't see a car coming but stopped anyways. i never see things as simple coincidence's just a voice telling me not to turn right or to stop. i always think back to two times where it seemed most evident that he was there. the first was an incident where i was crying and i felt a hand on my shoulder while sitting at my computer desk. a second was when i used 2 go on my late night drives to detroit. i would usually take jefferson all the way there, then take woodward down a ways. there was a man on the passenger side of me while at a red light walking down the street, he looked at me and nodded. i feel like that was a sign to keep going on that i would always be safe. i have been known to say i do not believe in god, or necessarily one god. but i do believe that there are people that watch out for u. i have never once felt that he wasn't there and that he wasn't proud of me despite what i may have done or how i have treated others. he has never judged me, and i have never felt like he was angry at me. i love my father, and although i never say it or how the word's father or dad seem foreign or out of my language, it is still odd to say it. once in a while i will say my dad's name, and it is always interesting to find out new stories from my godfather or from my brother. it reminds me of episodes of six feet under, where nate finds out his dad had a somewhat secret life. i feel like i relate to that because i was so young when he left, and now finding out stories or looking at photos makes me feel like i know him. my only regret is not knowing him enough and since i was only 6 it is hard to know someone like that when you have no idea something was wrong. i only wish i could be half the father my dad was, how despite having heart problems or thinking of me as a little shit while in hessel, he stayed with me, i wish he could know how that is my favorite memory of him. every year twice a year, i put up the photo taken with him. as i write this the photo is to my right never out of reach. i stayed in the cabin in the background of the photo this summer and everytime i walked back past where the photo was taken i remembered and smiled about what he did for me that day. i see my father in my brother alot, having patience even when his step son is being a little shit. i am so thankful that he did not suffer the way some people do, he may have suffered from the inside but you never would have known it by the way he presented himself. i love my father and no matter if i show it or not, i miss him dearly.

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'Obama

so i have been watching this election stuff since probably 6. i also have been updating facebook ever since. anyways i have come to these conclusions on people's disdain for him they are as follows:

people think he will make the country more socialist by bringing in universal healthcare. their response: i am moving to canada. are they serious? canada has universal healthcare and is way more liberal and socialist than we will ever be.

people think he will raise taxes. let's face it raising taxes sucks...but consider this: we are on the lower end of taxes being taken out, some countries have tax rates as high as 40%

people don't want a "terrorist" being our leader. could u be any more ignorant? enough said.

people think their guns will be taken away. no they won't, it will be tougher for people to get guns like ooozies or machine guns. i'm sorry but when was a machine gun needed to hunt or for safety?


anyways i am extremely happy for this win and feel like saying neener neener neener to all the republicans out there.

funerals....

many people hate funerals whether it be because they don't want to see loved ones dead or the smell or things like that. no matter what kind of funeral it is whether it be a personal funeral of someone i knew or a television funeral i still start to almost weep. for example just now, a character of a television show i have watched extremely close for the past 5 years CSI a lead character Warrick Brown dies. i hated Warrick throughout the past 8 seasons. however when his funeral came about on tonights season premiere i almost started crying. not because he was dead but because Grissom started to almost cry. i have a weakness for this shit i really do. i avoid funerals at all costs, unless it is someone i truly know. i often don't even go to family funerals if i havent really interacted with those people in the past. to be completely honest i don't ever even go up to the casket. i sit comfortably in the last row and observe the people crying their hearts out. i hate funerals. and i want my funeral someday to be something of enjoyment. maybe a keg or two. i know that it probably won't happen but a boy can dream.


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something of change.

my name is bob. and i am a recovering racist.

it couldn't be more bluntly put then that. i have come to the realization today that my racial marks and constant prejudgements need to stop. i try not to blame my past surroundings with this but i can't help it. for one common example i look to my former place of business. about 60-75% of all people that came in there were of foreign descent. i came to this predisposed notion that all arabs, or asians were the same. to be completely honest i was for the most part right. but what i always fail to realize is that this is just a small portion of the full foreign population. most asians that came in there were wanting better deals and not wanting to listen to things said. most arabic people came in smelling badly and not really buying much. i feel that my constanst disdain for them was because of my environment. now working at cabela's i feel sympathetic to people who cannot speak my language. an example will follow now, today i dealt with a customer who was spanish speaking only he did not no one word of english. he wanted to try on a shoe in a size 8.5 i did my best to help him out by pointing to the product but that did not help. so what i did next was attempt to speak the spanish language. i am a horrible spanish speaker and only remember dirty phrases which i will not texplain now. however i did my best to explain to him. and i helped him out. i got him the shoe he wanted.

after he left i began thinking of this blog post and what i wanted to say. i now have become sympathetic for foreigners whether it was people new to the country or who have been here for years. it's hard to explain the epiphany that i had at this moment. i feel now more than ever american's need to be bilingual. i know the common argument which i used to flat out say. they are in our country have them learn our language. now i am flipping it, i am saying we need to help ourselves learn these languages whether it is spanish being taught in our schools or simple arabic phrases i think it should happen. as time goes by the need for a second language will become imminent. most people that i know who came from other countries (manly bosnian) are bilingual or even trilingual. why can't we adjust to them? i used to say they need to adjust to us but i cannot say that any longer because well i need to adjust. for far to long this melting pot has shown that it is not working everyone has their cliques just like high school was except it's races that are not together.

i used to think i was a liberal when i was younger, by younger i mean only a few years ago. but i truly was not. i didn't think that all races should be together infact i was kind of for them being more separate then together but now i see myself wanting this melting pot to be as one.

secondly, affirmative action. now this may be contradictory to my last statement but i do not think race or quotas should deal with any form of application whether it be school or for jobs. i did research on this last year and found that there were added points on an application if from foreign descent. i understand we need to make an education possible for all, however i don't think it is correct to put one's race on an application and because of this have it be one of the deciding factors of getting into a college or getting a job or not. i am also not for having to put one's gender down either it does the same in colleges, however i do know that with jobs there has to be some sort of quota with women and non-american dissents because many are racist or sexist which truly needs to stop happening.

third, as the election gets nearer and nearer i feel that obama needs to be president. he is just what we need to help with the melting pot. how could you not help, he is of many different dissents and can teach us a thing or two about tolerance.


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death cab and a political rant.

one band i can never get enough of is death cab for cutie ben gibbard's voice is simply amazing. i love that for their cd narrow stairs they made a documentary playing right now with the background music all songs from their new album. this man is brilliant. if u have never listened to his stuff i would say listen to a few songs. i will offer some recommendations right now.

we looked like giants - amazing song but long and off their cd transatlanticism easily their best cd to date.

your new twin sized bed - off of their newest cd narrow stairs. this song has recently become my new favorite one.

cath - also off their new cd the video captures the song very well.

the new year - off of transatlanticism it is the first song on the album and sets the tone for the rest of the cd.

those are my top four songs. there are some great new cds coming out in the next few weeks those include the new senses fail and jack's mannequin. jack's mannequin is composed of the former lead singer of something corporate. something corporate was easily my favorite band in high school with such songs as drunk girl, konstantine, and ben franklin's kite. they unfortunatly broke up and jack's first album was a somewhat disappointment. no onto senses fail i have heard about 5 songs from this cd and although their last cd was horrible this cd seems very promising and sounds great.

now i must give amazing ups to city and colour. they to me wow me away with everytime i listen to them. i can't stop listening to them and wanna see them so bad in concert.




so the election is getting super close. who do i think should get it? obama. i feel that obama although not necessarily ready to take office, is better equipped then mccain. why do i think this? because mccain lost me when he took palin as his vp canididate. she is not experienced either but obama is well equipped then she is. ever since she has been sighted as his running mate nothing good has come out of it. she looks like an idiot everytime she opens her mouth and it seems like mccain has been in the backseat as well. mccain should not hault his campaign to help with the bailout. he needs to campaign and get his message out there. i feel like obama needs to win because we need something different we need a dem in office and i was a mccain supporter in the beginning but now i feel like obama is best for us.


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Sept. 11 almost a week late.

i should have wrote my thoughts and posted them sooner on this blog about 9/11 however for my plsc 222 class i was told to write a paper on my thoughts of the consequences and causes of this disaster. the following is the paper i just finished writing. i would like to know the thoughts of this and your own thoughts on this subject

When September 11, 2001 is brought up to most people they can recall the whereabouts of themselves pretty easily. That day will go down in history as being one of the most memorable days in my generation. Although I think highly of America and the rights we have, I feel that this tragedy was dealt with the wrong way. In the following paragraphs I will explain the reasons why America was attacked and the consequences it has brought us since the attacks.
The attacks happened for a few reasons that I will explain in this portion. First they happened due to a breakdown off communication. To me before the attacks the United States were too cocky to take threats seriously. There were plenty of threats and intelligence known of that there was going to be an attack on America. The plot started in the many years leading up to the attacks, with the training of Al Qaeda in the Middle East. Days before the attacks the president was briefed with the possibility of an attack coming in the form of Airplanes. He simply set this aside and went about his day. The second reason was the lack of security in the airports. In earlier years a man put a bomb underneath his seat to detonate it at a later time. He was successful and the man who put the bomb on the plane later trained some of the hijackers. If the security people would have done their jobs it would have been avoided because only a few hijackers had legitimate visas. Third, is the hatred for the U.S. it is hard to avoid this with how the media portrays the U.S. being the powerhouse. If it is thought through correctly, America really is not that big of a powerhouse. We just act like we could hurt you even though at first maybe we will win and everyone will be behind the war but eventually that dies out when neighbors and friends are killed for a “War of Terror” those three things were the main causes of the Sept. 11, 2001 tragedies. This attack could have been avoided if instead of shooting orders off to kill this and to not only look at personal gain. The war that followed may have started off as a meaningful war with many people behind it and feeling patriotic but quickly it shifted from Osama to Saddam. Granted the only meaningful thing that has come out of this war has been the capture of Saddam. That I will give Bush credit for but for anything else he has been horrible.
Next I want to explain my thoughts on the consequences since the attacks. The most obvious reason is the horrendous loss of life. Not only from the trade center itself but from the war that soon followed. Also, in my opinion our rights have been infringed upon. Now I do not notice it that much because I am a harmless person, but phone tapping and the FBI looking through everything because of a sense of terror now that to me is not right. The Patriot Act allows the government so much more control and our freedoms have not come back since. The fake patriotism is also a consequence because yes the world needed to be united after the attacks, but what always has bothered me was the fact that it took so many people dieing to bring a country together. I don’t feel that death should unite a country and create hysteria that follows it. Of course the pointless war that followed. Earlier I said that the war started out as a war that was justifiable. I feel like the reason why it was started so quickly was because the president felt why not do it when approval is extremely high. Since then thousands have died and it has switched from the war of terror to the war of oil. They found Saddam which was nice, but still have not found the man who ordered the attacks on 9/11. Sure they have killed out so called “leaders” of Al Qaeda or held them hostage in Guantanamo but this war could go on forever. A war on terror can’t and won’t ever be ended because you can’t stop the thoughts of terror. I say cut our losses and move on, because we really aren’t getting any closer to killing off terrorism. The best offense for this type of thing is to stay alert and not repeat mistakes like not listening to intelligence. Another consequence that I feel everyday is that of higher gas prices. When this happened, I was not yet old enough to drive but when I started gas prices were about $1.30. Now it is typically $4.00 a gallon. I feel as if this war has brought on this because the rest of the world is not happy with our war anymore. To me this war was like a new toy, it is a lot of fun for a little but it gets old quick, and when it gets old just get rid of it and move on. To me the U.S. is so stubborn that they have to prove something. The UK has started to pull out troops why can’t we follow their lead and stop the war. The economy has since gone sour as well. Just recently housing firms are going under and although this may not be a direct consequence it still is a high one.
Another consequence has to be that of a hysteria or stereotype towards the race of the hijackers. Long before the days after 9/11 Arabic people just blended in with the rest of the people. Now instinctively anytime one is at an airport and sees an Arabic person certain thoughts cross their mind. It is to me the equivalent to the Communist scare from the 1950’s. it is almost like a witch hunt of sorts. This could all have been avoided if we would have not been so dumb about it.
September 11, 2001 will always be a day that I remember thoroughly. The days and years after this event have made me want to become a political scientist to study the ramifications of this day and the days before it. One word comes to mind when I think of this day: avoidance. This day could have been avoided and it was not. People could have been smarter about it and they weren’t. Now, thousands are dead people are without fathers, sisters, brothers, mothers, friends and for what reason, other than people hating America. I love America yet I find myself seeing the views of the outsiders and thinking although horrible and completely unjustified I could see why they hate America so much. Terrorism will never stop, no matter how many people are killed or “leaders” are detained it won’t end. Why not stop trying to prove that the U.S. is this big powerhouse and just admitting we were wrong, admit that and the world would definitely be a better place to live in.


although this may be hard for one to watch, this image is still in my head to this day here is the footage from the attacks according to youtube:



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indiana jones....

who watches every indiana jones movie on a rainy saturday? bob and anna do. so we set out at about 10am eastern to watch the first indie movie. we watched and said eh why not continute so we watched the second followed by the third. then came what to do about the fourth. we decided to go to the dollar* movies. now i put that asterisk because it is only a dollar if you go before 5. what a sham! anyways we watched the fourth one which i thought completely blew. it was horrible the plot was too futuristic for a 1950's movie. the alien portion of it was just pointless and so many different things could have been done instead of putting an alien in it. plus the clip of niagra falls in a jungle area was kind of stupid and the three falls drop as well.


that is all and relatively pointless i know.

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