the last two episodes of how i met your mother were extremely sad. it took a direction that i had no idea would ever take place. it is so light hearted that i never expected it. it was a good change of pace but was also sad.

the wings game last saturday was amazing to say the least. so much fun and it is awesome to see how so many different groups of people mesh so well with others. it's pretty sweet.

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you.

Whenever i get a glinpse of what my life could be like with you in it permanently i get happy. The though reality is that ill never get that experience no matter what i do.
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a mirror

so yesterday morning i went to go to the bathroom. did my usual, and washed my hands. i looked in the mirror above my sink. i looked in that mirror and didn't recognize myself. it was a weird thing to fathom. i have never looked in the mirror like that. finally i did. did i like what i saw? no. did i wonder where my life was? yes. did i hate the person in the mirror? no but i don;t like that guy. i am not happy any longer. people can see that. it sucks but that is me.

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new year..

a new year should usually constitute resolutions. do i have some? sort of. i will tell them...
1. take better care of my body
~~~~~~i never take care of it. i don't do heavy drugs, just pot and alcohol but i used to take a lot of nyquil and others. i am an angry person at heart and it comes out from time to time. my pinky and my ring finger on my writing hand are permanently messed up. and while i know it is all my fault if i get pissed i still use that hand. it isnt a means to an end by anyways. but it helps at time and chills me out.
2.i need to figure out what i want in life
~~~~~~i have a general outline of what i want, it is never anything specific. trughtfully i have no way to fathom what i want to do in life. i have no clue. logistics sounds decent, an easy job. but i know ill get bored like everything. but then again if i get a challenging job ill rise up and people will have expectations and then ill meet them and go beyond then fall back down. i dont want that. realistically, i wouldn't mind being a politician but i don't want my past involved. i have so much stupid/weird shit that would come out and i don't want or need that for my family. i have never been a perfect citizen and probably never will be. but i dont need that public. my mother goes through enough of my shit i don't need her to redeal with it, as well as my brother nephew sister in law and niece. i keep away from politics because of the things that can be uncovered. while it isnt terrible, i still jsut dont want my family to go through it. they have dealt with so much from me and i am only 24.


so far this year has sucked, nothing has realistically gone right in my eyes. people are changing, and i hate change. i know it is for the better in some regards but i hate it.

school has started for people still at emu, and truthfully i am bored. i don't do shit ever. and i hate it at least when i "had" class id go occasionally and stress about it throughout the week. that stress is gone. and the reality of me needing a fulltime job to follow the american dream scares me. the american dream is fucked up, but i don't want anything but that.

and lately, ive just been thinking more and more about life. it sucks.

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the year of bob.

i've put this off long enough, but it is time for the year end blog. i have been thinking about this and wondering what i would finally write about it. chronologically i don't really know. but these are just thoughts. this is also my 100th blog for the year which makes me feel pretty good.

first of all the new year was rang in well at the browniebras. it was a good time with good friends.
we have the arrest evening which was both funny and an embarassement.
we have one of my childhood best friends getting engaged to an amazing person.
we have my graduation from college. it took me over 5 years and i do not feel like i have accomplished much. it sucks but i guess any degree is better than no degree.
my birthday, was amazing. i dont remember much after 930 but i got amazing gifts and had an awesome time with friends.
St. patty's day detroit, the first time i've ever done this. it was awesome. although i was hungover and maybe still drunk from the night before.
new music. i have discovered some good music this year, from mumford and sons to rediscovering other bands like the spill canvas.
my first trip to philidelphia. probably my last as i was a douchebag. looking back it was not right of me to do that. but in the end it is another story to tell others and laugh
my second trip to chicago saw two nights of drinking. new friends were made it was just a good time.
every tailgate for the michigan home games was amazing. our hosts could not have provided a better environment. this includes the big chill which was awesome and a one of a kind experience.
we have my various times back home. while i do enjoy some times there i wont ever stay there for good.
the weddings i was in/went to were all a pretty fun time. it was good to see people be happy
new jobs old jobs not a career.
ive gotten to know some amazing people this year. ive also gotten to meet some rotten people as well.
ive engaged with people that i went to school with but never knew. ive also realized i was a dick in high school to most.
ive also gotten to know one of the most amazing people i have ever met. we have talked almost everyday for the past year and gotten to know eachother so well and be able to predict eachother's actions. she has been my rock when i needed someone most and i feel she feels the same. we have had some amazing adventures together that are for ever enslaved into my memory.
other friends i have gotten to know better and have become pretty good friends with this group of people. you guys are awesome.
friends back home have been lost in some ways but when i am back home they usually come out. it is good to see that.
i went to plenty of sporting events which was always a blast.
hessel, a yearly trip that always makes me look forward to it. it is such an amazing place to be there with all the rich history and all my memories growing up. i love that place so much and would hate if i ever lost that.
and finally, my family. you are all amazing. my brother and sister in law are a pleasure to be around and are a lot of fun. my mom with her quarky quotes that make everyone turn their heads. my niece who only knows me as butter. my nephew who always calls me fat. you guys are all amazing.
and finally. to everyone, this year has been an improvement of the previous year but i do not think by any means it was a great year. i really hope for a better one in 2011. be safe.

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i have an amazing family and friends base.

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an end of an era

after 17.5 years of constant school i am finally done. i dont have to read for anything, study, or attend classes anymore. it feels good in some ways. the good is weight off my shoulders. the bad is easiest told in an analogy. sometimes you drive a car, but you just keep driving. finally you reach an end to the road. and then you throw your hands up and go now what? that's where i am at with my life. i need to get my shit together now that school is finally done. another way i see it is i've driven so far, but now i just don't know why i drove in the first place. while i love that i did graduate, i hate that i have no idea what i want to do. i started out wanting to be a lawyer. and now i still might want that but based upon laziness i can't. it is easy to reflect on something once it is complete. but i should've tried so much harder in college. i rarely did any studying or taking care of things for school. i just went through the motions of it. and i still do. i wish i was different but then i don't know where to begin and i know it is too late to change what i did within college. it sucks but without ever really studying i was able to have a b- ish average of a 2.60. i donno, i hope i figure out what i want soon.

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