6 ft under

no matter how many times i watch the series finally of six feet under, i always feel compelled to write an entry. today was father's day, had it not been for the status updates of people on facebook i may have not known that it was father's day. i just never celebrate it any longer for obvious reasons. i know alot of people still do even though their dad's are deceased. however, i have always been different i don't go to the cemetery but once every few years, i know exactly where it is at. my 21st bday may have been the last time i went. do i think i am a bad son for that? absolutely not, i remember him in my own way daily, whether it is a quiet remembrance in my head, or a the porring out of alcohol as a little one for the homies type thing. i appreciate him daily, and appreciate everything that he left to my family and i, and as another year passes and my birthday inches closer, i no longer hate my birthdays, i used to just despise them because of the closeness to that of my father's. but now i look at it to rejoice, maybe it is the alcohol that helps me celebrate it. but literally everything i have in my life is because of him, because of my mom as well because of the job she did raising me, but he left us with so much that i can never put into actual words. i don't say this often but i love you dad, i love you mom, i love you.
!2:10