i had one of the best times with my brother and callis last weekend at my niece's 2nd birthday party. we drank all day but casually, made fun of brandy mostly and i got to hang out with my lilah bug. ethan was a lot of fun that day too. later in the evening we decided it was a good idea to shoot ethan's red ryder bbgun in chris' basement and have ethan set up the targets. he did and we wore sunglasses and then moved on to shooting animal crackers. then i went to the bar and met up with some friends that i usually dont hang out with. a pleasant change of pace.

i havent been all that bad lately. i think my internet being shut off is somewhat a blessing in disguise. i dont use my computer that much which has cut down on my facebooking. my only drawback is missing out on conversations with people that i usually dont talk to outside of facebook. but all in all it is a truly good thing.

i'm also not chasing after a girl for the first time in a long while. once again a good change of pace

i'm finally excited to be done with school in decemeber, i really fucked up last semester and i don't plan on fucking up again, after all i have 2 cases of beer riding on getting a 3.0

that is all for now.

!2:10

a couple of weeks.

in the past month to two months i have not blogged much. it can be attributed to a few things, no content, drinking, smoking, laziness, and not paying my bills.

ive thought of this many times, and with anyone that ever reads anything i write you will see a parallel to big fish. i am starting to realize that maybe ypsilanti is too small of a sea for me to be a big fish. there is literally half of people around this half like it half hate it, the two biggest are of course not on the same page.

ive been home more often than i can remember. granted every day i am in the htp or the clem i enjoy it. but no matter how many times i come back, i never can call this home again. i may use that in conversation out of habit but, ypsilanti has my heart. home is where the heart is.

so where is my heart? fuck man, i have no clue anymore. i can come home to my mom's i never sleep well. and maybe that is because it isn't my home anymore. but then i come to my apartment and still can't sleep. but i find myself ever increasingly leaving to hang out alone. is that a bad thing? i dont think so.

look, i have until december to figure out what i'll do. when i graduate i am leaving, for how long? i don't know.

12:10

things to take away from the weekend:
1. try not to drive home at 2am saturday morning...not the smartest thing ever
2. wake up earlier on saturday to help mother.
3. don't put all of your eggs in one basket...again...and again...and again.
4. the clem is boring when all the places are rented out for private parties.
5. the clem is boring when you don't drink much
Sunday
1. wake up earlier again to help mom.
2. find out why your niece wont stop calling your name.
3. duggan is rather creepy.
4. try not to take an hr nap before work because you'll be cranky
5. see number 3 from saturday
6. go in early when you have no idea what the fuck you are doing for work.
7. work is shitty when you are a. alone and b. with a phone that died.
8. need sleep.


my weekend wasnt terrible, but one event sunday started a chain of just suckiness.


!2:10

there is about 10-15 minutes of various film and music to which i could live my life by forever, tonight i take you to those places.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBQWpKDey0Q

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-sU4xZur8A

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5EudSDpbOY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCbdX92hbbg

view all links in order to make more sense.
this needs to be my life.

!2:10

where will i end up after i graduate in decemnber?
am i selfish for wanting to move further away?
for furthering myself from my growing niece and nephew?
move myself away from everyone and anyone?
i have friends that did this and it did not work out.
i dont know where i'd go it just wouldnt be a place id come back from.
no offense to my friends but most have failed in the long move away from home.
so confused and upset to what i want to do.
just unsure.
!2:10

the smallest things

i have come to the conclusion that the smallest thing that are the things that mean the most. and that those people are hard to come by, may i have come by that? i have no idea. i simply know that i always remember the smallest meaningless things but they arent meant most.

!2:10

have no fear.

i get in these rhythm's when i read books that i really like. for instance i just finished "the Mission" by Jason Myer. i started reading it saturday while at the farm. i read 120 the first day then read 40 the second day. last night i started reading at like 1am, took a few breaks here or there to eat and stuff and finished it at like 615. ive come to realize that at times i do immerse myself into the story and space out. i never realized that until recently when page numbers became irrelevant. i need more books to read soon.

!2:10