two weeks and pot smoking free. it is a record for me. i have been asked several times throughout the 2 weeks to smoke but i decline. why? well there are a few reasons.
1. i need a job and most jobs require testing
2. i have no money, and pot always gives me the munchies.
3. i just haven't felt like it.

although, i haven't smoked i still feel at times like a void is there. while i do not intend to always smoke, i however think it is a decent and healthy part of my life.

!2:10

this last week and a half has been odd for me. i am faced with no job and a money supply running thin. i do not spend much money at the bar, but i tend to go out to them more often. the first few months of a single apartment were decent. but i am starting to get lonely, i have been in a funk lately. i tend to listen to acoustic music that is both depressing and amazing. i still hang out with friends but at times avoid it due to sleep. i need to get out of this funk and start being relatively happy together because tylenol pm can only get you through so much. i don't care who reads this. but whoever answers, what do u want to do before you die?

things

my name has changed due to the fact that i no longer want things to be associated with my real name. that gives the aurora of being anonymous among other things. it has been roughly one week since i have stopped smoking pot. i stopped smoking in hopes of getting a job and passing a drug test. i am not like most in that pot was never a gateway into other things but simply a gateway away from things. it hasn't been hard because most of my regular friends do not smoke. but i still crave it. i wish to smoke it again at another time once i get a job, but wont until then. i hope it is sooner rather than later, and while i was never addicted i do enjoy it as much as most other things.

i have begun to start a new workout regime which if you know me is not something i normally do. looking at myself in the mirror or just looking at my stomach i see lines i see stretch marks and i see the shell of what i used to be. it is sad to look and see old photos of when i was skinny or less fat depending on how u look at it. i just want to be a better person and want to be healthier not because it will make me look better, but for the strict fact that i never have cared about my body. my liver is probably shot from various liquors and over the counter medicines. but i want to be able to handle my kids some day.

i still take my little blue happy pill also known as zoloft although lately i have forgotten to take it. i know that i forget when i start to get emotional. i think this drug is amazing in that it makes me feel less, but is also bad becuase i am unable to cry. growing up i was able to cry on command. despite what people think, i am a very emotional person and have always been. once u get past this wall that i have put up since my move to ypsilanti u will see a very loving caring emotional guy who just wants to be loved. i hope that someone soon will care enough to get through that wall and see the true me.

!2:10

Music

many people often times say how music always touches their lives and how they cannot go a day without listening to some. i find that in myself more and more as the days go by. after the bar, ill come home to an empty apartment, and while i am not complaining i love to come home and turn onto some music. it is really odd that a certain version of one song i keep coming back to. that is the bonnaroo 2008 version of death cab for cutie's "transantlanticism." i may have not spelt that correctly but at this point in time i do not care in the slightest. i love this song. i think it is amazing and every version i listen to is amazing. but the bonnaroo version stands out because of the beginning. ben gibbard lead singer says "as the sun sets on bonnaroo, so does it for death cab for cutie. thanks for coming you guys." there are very few bands that i remember listening to for the first time. death cab is one of those few. and i cannot help but love this song and almost all of their songs. i hope to one day see them with someone special and look into her eyes as i serenade her with ben's amazing lyrics. that is all i have to write for now.

!2:10

2009

2009 has been one of the worst years i can remember. not much good happened, but i will now reflect on the good and bad.

the good: the many trips i took. i got to go to chicago for the first time and see the cubs and brand new play. i got to see them 2 consecutive nights which was a first for me. i went camping with the rth crew organized by mr. john walsh. that was probably one of the most fun and drunken trips, although chicago has plenty more stories. i also went to cleveland which was another first, to see the browns raiders and it has its special meanings but hands down chicago was the best. i also got to go back to hessel for consecutive years which has been a while. i branched off of friends like bowditch and met more of his friends and became close with them. i also became better friends than i could ever imagine with damie javis. i got to see my niece turn one and get to watch her grow up. finally i moved into a place by myself. i could not be happier with my choice of residence and the way i chose to decorate it. i also got a tattoo that i have wanted since my dad passed on. it takes up the majority of my left leg and i love it.

now onto the bad: we can start at the beginning, 2009 was rang in with my now ex gf and other friends in an awkward fashion. i can now reflect that it was a minor omen in my future of 2009. i also was broken up with, and looking back i handled it wrong and certain things made that situation worse than what it should have been. my biggest thing is i met a lot of fun people through her and i rarely talk to them anymore. but i guess that is what happens. i have had to switch back and forth between jobs. cabelas then radioshack then back to cabelas. i was fired from radioshack for what i believe non-probable cause which can be debated forever. i have realized the value of money and without my mother helping me i would not be in the apartment that i am currently in. i also feel like i have grown apart from many whom i went to high school with. i know i see them whenever i come home but it is slightly different now. i mildly blame myself.

so what will 2010 bring me? going into 2009 i didn't have any goals i will not call them resolutions for the strict fact that these will be accomplished throughout the year. my first and foremost goal is to graduate. it has been 4 and a half years since i started and i will finish in may with a degree in political science. what will i do with it? fuck if i know. but i want to go to grad school to continue and get an mpa with a business administration certificate. i also want to find a job that will pay the bills more than what i am now. i want to pay off my major bills so that i do not have to screen my phone calls to see which bill collector is calling. i know many people say that they will lose weight, however i am determined to be a more healthy person in 2010. my reason for this? have u seen me lately ha. i will continue to see my niece and nephew as much as i can so that i can aide in their growing up and shaping of things. i also am extremely excited for the new davis baby to arrive in late february. hopefully i can be the uncle to him as my uncles were to me. it will be awesome to watch little davis grow up and he is my first friend with a baby coming. big changes lay ahead for rob or bob and i hope to see all of you there for those changes. cheers to 2010 and goodbye to 2009.

!2:10

rants.

i realize that the last post i did was roughly three months ago, and as i have been busy it is no excuse to ignore this blog. i am literally 20 credit hours from graduating with a political science major and a public administration minor. the contstant theme within people i see is " what will you do with this degree?" i have been pretty restrained with my responses, however the ones that ask i tend to think " something more than you, actually having a college degree" or "what most people do with their degrees, nothing." but i tend to say i'll probably go to graduate school. they then ask for what, if i were to say an mpa (master of public administration) they would look at me like i am a ghost. i tend to say a master in public administration and people say the same question as before, and i say with a focus on business management. i tend at this time, to just walk away. people who generally ask me this question have never been to college, and although they are aunts, cousins, and uncles of mine i can't help but think blank thoughts of this. i do not think i can look at these family members and say what i truly wish to do. although i want to graduate with an mpa, i do not have any idea what i want to do. the fact that these members of my family bring it up is often rude in my eyes. i do not ask you what you are doing with your life (if you have kids or not) so do not ask me. simply seem interested in my interests as most do not. ask me what my dream job would be, i can honestly agree that my dream job is not working at cabela's for the discounts i can give you. maybe think before you talk.

!2:10

my paper on health care

Reforming a Broken System:
Healthcare in the United States
When a person is sick, has a broken bone, or needs yearly tests done, why do they cringe at the fact that they have to go to the doctor? Because chances are they are part of the one-third of American adults that do not have a regular doctor. They are probably also part of the 46 million people that do not have health care in the United States or about 15% of the entire population. The U.S. is one of the most industrialized countries in the world, yet the healthcare system is one of the worst in the world. In 2005 over 600 billion dollars was spent on healthcare, yet 46 million do not have healthcare insurance of any kind. To show how much 600 billion dollars is, it was roughly one-fourth of the federal budget in 2005. Clearly there is a problem here. Reform is needed in this aspect of the U.S. because people are dying or avoiding getting serious help because they can’t afford it.
More and more people are dying each year from the lack of healthcare. Growing up my mother did not work for a number of years, and it was just my mother, brother, and I. she used to pay privately for health care at roughly 1000 dollars per month with a co pay of 15 dollars per office visit and a 1000 dollar deductable. Most people cannot afford to pay 12,000 dollars per year for healthcare, especially in inner cities and for older people. Even if one pays just themselves that is still approximately 333 dollars per month for just one person. Since then my mother has insurance through her work for her and myself. She now pays roughly 200 dollars per month for her and I, which is a substantial decrease from what she paid when I was younger. Before she was able to gain insurance through her work, she was paying 95 dollars for me through young adult blue with a 1000-dollar deductable and 20-dollar co pay. During this time I was rushed to the emergency room and then had to stay in the hospital for 4 days. This roughly cost my mother 3500 dollars because it was not covered by the insurance. Yes there was some type of payment plan, however most people could not pay this on their own. Here in lies the problem. Insurance costs are way to expensive for the normal person without insurance, or with some insurance that does not cover everything. Fortunately I had some type of health care but for others that is not the case. I wish to explore why people can’t afford coverage or why people choose not to have coverage based on their need. I also want to know first hand what goes through people’s minds within the system itself.
Is a universal healthcare of sorts the right step towards reform? Some say yes, because of the rising number in uninsured Americans. The opposition typically believes that it is not the government’s duty to provide insurance for all and that insurance for all is a step towards socialism. The reason most are opposed is because of the country to the north of the U.S. Canada. They currently have a universal health care system, and the opponents of reform see that system as broken. They also do not want to pay taxes for other people’s health care. Opponents believe if the costs were lower, that more people could afford it, and that government need not step in. Another belief associated is competition. Competition typically drives the cost down; right now in our current system competition is only within each state. However, if it were competing nationally instead of states, then costs would be lower. Finally, some opponents believe that taxing others who can afford it for people who can’t is not right and is a violation of America’s policies. I wish to further get information on people, which are for or against a healthcare reform. The people who are for I want to find out what exactly they wish to reform and how they would go about reforming it. For the opposition I wish to gain insight if they believe that there is no reform needed, I must get answers as to why reform is not needed. If the opposition feels reforms are needed, then again which reforms and how would one go about reforming.


i welcome any and all feedback thanks.